Monday, July 12, 2010

Machiavelli and Religion

A research paper analyzing the role that Christianity played in Machiavelli's life and writings.

Warning: this post lacks the comedic elements of my previous entries...

Nevertheless, enjoy!



Niccolò Machiavelli is often regarded as the most prominent political scientist of all time. His two most famous works, The Prince and The Discourses have been studied since their publication. Surprisingly however, Machiavelli’s ideas on religion are rarely brought up when attempting to understand his political theory. For Machiavelli, political power could be attained through the use of religion, and domination required a mastery of it. This analysis will attempt to understand for what reasons Machiavelli coveted religion, as well as the weaknesses Machiavelli found in modern religions.

Traditionally, Machiavelli is associated with the notion that religion is merely an instrument used by the few to control the many. Although this idea is partially true, it really oversimplifies the importance that religion can play in the Machiavelli’s world of politics. Machiavelli believed that with proper treatment of religion, a strong ruler could wield more power than any secular ruler could on his own.

In his most famous work, The Prince, Machiavelli argues the difference between ecclesiastical and secular principalities. He concludes that the church needs not to defend itself or govern its subjects because it is protected by a higher authority. That is to say that the notion of God protects the Church from invasion or revolt, because the subjects “do not dream of being alienated from the Church.” The reason behind this phenomenon is a fear of God which binds every Christian together under the Church’s influence.

Machiavelli returns to the subject of religion in his Discourses on Livy in an attempt to explain the role that religion played in the formation of ancient Rome. He claims that Numa, Romulus’ successor, was more important to the success of Rome for his contribution of religion. Numa saw before him a “ferocious” group of people, so he introduced religion as, “the instrument necessary above all others for the maintenance of a civilized state.” In order to gather support, Numa claimed to have spoken with a nymph, who had advised him on how to properly govern Rome. Numa’s introduction of this pagan religion had the desired effects on the population, who obeyed the government not for fear of politicians but for fear of God. By making the citizenry swear obedience to every law, Rome became more civil because, “the citizens were more afraid of breaking an oath than of breaking the law, since they held in higher esteem the power of God than the power of man.”

In an article regarding Machiavelli’s treatment of religion, author J. Samuel Preus raises some interesting points about the relationship between religion and good leadership. Using Machiavelli, he argues that the authority of religion is held almost entirely through the fear of God’s wrath, and that almost all of the laws of Ancient Rome were bound to nothing more than oaths sworn to the Pagan Gods. Preus argues that it was this great influence on society that led Machiavelli, “to regard religion as the chief of three essential bases on which the superstructure of any political society was erected, the other two were laws and military discipline.”

It has already been shown that the laws of Roman society were upheld by a fear of God, but it can also be shown that the Roman military was also bound to religious duty. In chapter 15 of the Discourses, Machiavelli recounts the story of the Samnites’ last stand against the Romans. Although the Samnites had been reduced to a feeble number of soldiers in comparison to the Roman force, they refused to stop fighting. Even with the odds entirely against them, the Samnite leaders reinstated their ancient ritual of sacrifices in order to inspire their men to fight until the end. The soldiers were forced to partake in the brutal sacrifices and swear to the Gods that they would never flee the battle lest they would be cursed for eternity. During the battle, the Samnites fought bravely but still suffered a crushing defeat, which as Machiavelli explained, “Bears striking witness to the magnitude of that confidence which religion gives when properly used.” Even though the Samnites were unable to defeat the far superior army, they fought with more valor than they had in the past, being pushed forward by a fear of God. Thus, Preus was correct in his assessment that religion held together the staples of Roman society.

With this understanding of how and why religion was so influential in society, it is possible to analyze what must be done by a ruler in order to harness its power. In The Prince, Machiavelli explains that although a good prince should be perceived as a model citizen, it will often be necessary to abandon these qualities in order to exercise effective rule. A Prince, “should seem compassionate, trustworthy, humane, honest, and religious, and actually be so; but yet he should have his mind so trained that, when it is necessary not to practice these virtues, he can change to the opposite, and do it skillfully.” That is to say that a Prince might be required to break religious doctrines which he vehemently preaches if it is for the good of his people.

The Romans used these tactics, as described in The Discourses, to keep the populace civilized underneath the religion, while at the same time not allowing it to prevent them from expanding. Although the same cannot (or should not) be said about modern religion, Machiavelli says that the main goal of the ancient governments was to support every detail that might assist with the spread of religion, “even though they be convinced that it is quite fallacious.” Since most of Machiavelli’s case studies were based on ancient texts, it is not really surprising that the ancient Roman’s followed the same courses of action, which he described in the Prince. In Chapter 14 of the Discourses, Machiavelli describes how the Romans would disregard their own religion when necessity called for it, “But, so adroit were they in words and actions at giving things a twist that they did not appear to have done anything disparaging to religion.”

Machiavelli’s view towards religion as an object of the state have lead many to question his feelings towards religion on a personal level. John M. Najemy wrote an article analyzing Machiavelli’s fascination with religion, concluding that Machiavelli’s religion had such a tremendous social impact that it cannot be entirely controlled by the state. He claims that Machiavelli regards religion as, “more powerful than [an instrument of the state], and yet still as a human and historical phenomenon.” Also, religion has been entirely dependent upon various interpretations, thus it is impossible to distinguish “the truth,” other than by its impact on society.

To conclude whether or not Machiavelli was himself a believer is a difficult task at best. Although Machiavelli never denied the existence of God, it must be taken into account that Renaissance Florence was not the place to be claiming blasphemy. Samuel J. Preus addresses these points in his article, claiming that for Machiavelli, “The truth of religion has no demonstrable connection with its power.” Thus, regardless of what Machiavelli personally believed, religion was a phenomenon that dictated peoples lives. A religion gives power to the few, hopes to the many, and unifies a people underneath one set of beliefs. So it doesn’t even matter what the religion is, be it the Paganism or Christianity, because it was Machiavelli’s intent to, “unveil the effective reality of the thing, not the imagined reality of the believer.”

According to Marcia L. Colish, Machiavelli admired the ancients’ use of religion, but believed that, “it is not necessary to return to paganism in order to apply this lesson of antiquity.” However, Machiavelli was not pleased at the current state of religion in Europe. He felt that Christianity had weakened society by teaching forgiveness and passiveness, thus abandoning honor and boldness. As a result of all of this, Italy had become weaker and easier to control, “Our religion has glorified humble and contemplative men, rather than men of action… If our religion demands that in you there be strength, what it asks for is strength to suffer rather than strength to do bold things.” Machiavelli goes on to blame this weakness as a result of a laissez-faire interpretation of religion.

The world had lost its ambition, rather than attempting to challenge power, people allowed themselves to be controlled as they waited for their reward in the afterlife. Machiavelli also addresses this point in the Prince, however here he does not explicitly blame the church, “Many have been and still are of the opinion that the affairs of this world are so under the direction of Fortune and of God that man’s prudence cannot control them.” In an article on Machiavelli’s treatment of religion, Benedetto Fontana argues that not only had Christianity weakened society, but the papacy had also failed to provide strong leadership to its subjects. Machiavelli claimed that its control, “is powerful enough to maintain itself in its weakness, but not so powerful as to establish a new order.” According to this, the church’s failure to act as a strong principality further weakened Italian society by making no attempt to unify the country. As said by Machiavelli in the Discourses, “It is the Church that has kept, and keeps, Italy divided.” If only the church had cared about Italy’s well being, and used its strength to unite the country, Machiavelli might have likened Christianity more to the Pagan religion.

In book three of the Discourses, Machiavelli attempts to provide a solution that could improve the church’s standing in Europe. He explains that, “at the start religious institutions, republics and kingdoms have in all cases some good in them, to which their early reputation and progress is due. But since in process of time this goodness is corrupted, such a body must of necessity die unless something happens which brings it up to the mark.” In other words, it is necessary for Christianity to return to its roots in order to save itself from corruption. Machiavelli follows by mentioning St. Francis and St. Dominic, both of whom chose lives of poverty in order to follow the path of Christ. Machiavelli praises their intentions but laments the fact that they were continuing to preach idleness in the face of oppression, “They convinced them it is an evil thing to talk evilly of evil doing, and a good thing to live in obedience to such prelates, and that, if they did wrong, it must be left to God to chastise them.” Although it is good to return to the fundamentals of Christianity, it is necessary to spread the values rather than wait for redemption.

Preus thinks that this attempt at reformation did much more harm than good to Christianity. Preus argues that, by returning to the principles of its foundation, “Christianity renewed itself, but at the cost of teaching the people to tolerate tyranny. The political result, then… is just as disastrous as what resulted from the ‘false interpretations’ against what Machiavelli had protested.” However, the church itself was not pure, and corruption ran all the way to the papal throne. Thus St. Francis’ attempts to purify the Church ironically led to the acceptance of tyranny, which in Machiavelli’s time was the Church itself.

It has been argued that Machiavelli’s contempt for Christianity was sparked by his interactions with various religious leaders during his life. Marcia L. Colish argues that the friar Girolamo Savonarola played a particularly large role in influencing Machiavelli’s views towards religion. Savonarola had grown to political prominence during Machiavelli’s youth, and had plans on reforming Florence’s republican government. Savonarola’s plan for a new republic included the use of, “the Venetian Great Council as a model, the wish to purge Florence of her sins… and the notion of governo largo was a means to these religious ends.” Machiavelli was opposed to any such reforms to his native republic, and his later writings would describe Savonarola as a more or less corrupt religious figure.

For instance in the first book of the Discourses, Machiavelli skeptically writes about Friar Savonarola’s rise to power by his ability to, “converse with God. I do not propose to decide whether it was so or not… but I do say that vast numbers believed it was so.” It seems as though Machiavelli was doubtful of Savonarola’s “gift”, however Machiavelli admired his manipulation of religion. John M. Nejemy writes that, “Machiavelli does not say that the friar believed it himself but only that he succeeded in getting others to believe it,” which is a critical skill to possess. Unfortunately for Savonarola however, as soon as his followers began to doubt him, Machiavelli writes, “he had no means of holding firm those who once had believed nor of making unbelievers believe.”

An interesting detail about Machiavelli’s attitude towards Savonarola’s claim rests several paragraphs higher in the Discourses. Before Machiavelli claims that he cannot challenge the word of Savonarola, he brings up the example of Numa, the founder of the Roman religion. As stated earlier, Numa based his religion upon his conversation with a nymph who foretold the most effective government for Rome. Machiavelli comments that for, “Numa it was so necessary that he pretended to have private conferences with a nymph… This was because he wanted to introduce new institutions to which the city was unaccustomed, and doubted whether his own authority would suffice.” What is interesting here is that Numa and Savonarola faced almost the exact same consequences, yet Machiavelli could reveal Numa’s lie, but had to remain silent over the possibility that Savonarola was a fraud, because of further implications in Christianity.

Machiavelli held contempt for the entire Catholic Church, and was often upset by their use of religion to gain political power. Not that there was anything wrong with trying to rise to political power, but Machiavelli felt it unfair that, “the papacy wanted to play the game of politics while ignoring the rules by which everyone else had to play.” Once again, Machiavelli channeled his feelings for the church into his writings. He was becoming upset at the constant intervention of the Church and its corruption. In the Discourses, Machiavelli describes the serious need for a reform, “look at those people who live in the immediate neighborhood of the Church of Rome, which is the head of our religion, and see how there is less religion amongst them than elsewhere.”

At the head of the Church sat the pope, and for much of Machiavelli’s career, the pope was Julius II, who Machiavelli observed as one of the most ambitious popes. Machiavelli praises Julius in his ability to take over the “principality” after his predecessor Alexander VI, “He had not only followed the steps of Alexander but went beyond… in all these enterprises he succeeded, and with the more glory to him in that it was all to increase the Church and not any private person.” For Machiavelli, it struck a special chord when a leader achieved great things not for himself, but for the good of his state, or in Julius’ case the Church. In a letter to his friend Francesco Vettori, Machiavelli describes that Julius II, “never worried about being hated, as long as he was feared and revered, and with that fear he stood the world on its head and brought the Church to where it is now.” Thus, even though Machiavelli was upset at the Church’s unfair manipulation of religion, he was able to give credit where credit was due.

As Machiavelli moved further and further up the hierarchy of the Christianity, he had greater and greater scorn for each level. In an analysis of the “The ravages of Christianity” during Machiavelli’s time, Vickie Sullivan makes the argument that to Machiavelli the Church must have seemed to be a tyranny. She writes, “Machiavelli defends human beings in general against tyrannical rulers who depreciate their dignity and power. In denouncing this type of subjugation he finds that the Christian God poses the most acute threat to human liberty.” As mentioned before, the Church had made the world a weak place where people did not dream of accomplishing anything other than a peaceful afterlife. It was through this mentality that the Church was able to keep “the wicked” in power and keep the people suppressed. Sullivan notes that, “The debilitating effects of such a tyranny are precisely those Machiavelli finds emanating from the Christian education: both rob human beings of the honor to which they are entitled; neither this virtuous tyrant nor Christianity will permit individuals possession of any good, for in either case all accrues ultimately to the benefit of the ruler.”

Although it is impossible to know for certain whether or not Machiavelli believed in God, it really is insignificant to his outlook on religion. It is true that Machiavelli thought of religion as a tool to be used by the state, but he also respected it as a phenomenon of its own. He believed that if properly used, religion could be used to control an empire. However he was depressed by the sad state of Christianity, which rather than inspiring its subjects to action, oppressed them to humbleness. It is no surprise then that on his deathbed Machiavelli hoped that he would go to hell, because he would be surrounded by every great leader, who in order to achieve their position had to overcome the standards of Christian morality.

Je l'essay

Fans,

I undertand how disappointing it must be to come to this blog every day for the last 2 years, only to find that there is no new content. I have decided to remedy this situation by posting some of the essays that I have written over the years.

Enjoy!

The following essay was written for a course entitled "The Underground Economy," which covered many aspects of the black market (cool stuff).

The prompt asked us to describe a bar in which a variety of illegal activities were taking place, from bootlegging to money laundering...


Arts and Darts


Upon entering the Arts n’ Darts Bar, most visitors are surprised by the elegance of the establishment. More refined than its location would lead you to believe, the bar is an up and coming gathering place for Montréal’s cultural connoisseurs. The burgundy walls are adorned with original paintings. At the end of the bar there is a designated gaming area where clients can choose from a variety of pub activities. The bar itself is very spacious to accommodate many patrons; from the off duty, but
always vigilante police officer, to the beauties seated down at the end. Upon first glance, everything seems pristine, but underneath the surface the reality becomes murkier.

As you take a seat at the bar, you notice a platter of cigarettes designated for the clients. Take one, they’re free of charge. We want to treat the customer to more than just pretzels and Doritos. Complimentary cigarettes are an effective means of keeping the clientele satisfied, which will result in valuable word of mouth promotion. Although this practice is outlawed under the Tobacco Act, I don’t think it is enforced by the local authorities. I have seen for myself a bar at St. Laurent and Fairmount that distributed cigarettes for free. It seems unlikely that the owner would engage in such a practice if he had legitimate concerns for a surprise inspection by the Ministry of Health and Social Services. However that being said, Arts n’ Darts does not engage in the retail of cigarettes. This is because the sale of tobacco is far more conspicuous (and criminal) than the distribution of gifts. The maximum penalty for giving away cigarettes is $3,000, while selling without a permit can yield a fine of up to $25,000. This can be attributed to the significant increase in government regulation of tobacco including sales (restricting vending machines) and where it can be smoked (banning cigarette consumption in public spaces). The cigarettes at the bar are smuggled out of Native reserves, which equates to huge savings as we avoid paying excise taxes of up to $40 per carton. These discounts allow me to hand them out for free, knowing that the non-monetary benefits more than compensate for the purchasing costs.

On display behind the bar is an impressive collection of alcohols. Each bottle is affixed with a sticker indicating the appropriate duty has been paid to the Régie des alcools, des courses et des jeux. Since the Société des alcools du Québec is the regulating monopoly, they are able to charge huge excise taxes (over the already high GST rates) which account for most of the price of alcoholic beverages. In addition to the standard rates charged to consumers, a retailer must pay an additional 8% duty on each bottle. Realizing that these taxes are cutting into Arts n’ Darts’ profits, I have undertaken the following scheme to save some money.At the beginning of every month I legally purchase a believable quantity of alcohol at the SAQ in order to have legitimate expenditures in my records, thus shielding the bar from immediate suspicion. For the additional alcohol that is consumed, I will need to either purchase the alcohol from the SAQ as a regular consumer (and save the 8% duty) or find a trafficker of completely duty-free alcohol. A quick comparison of liquor prices in Montreal and New Hampshire, a state without any form of sales tax, shows that alcohol is about 30% cheaper across the border. Although this is more lucrative, I am unwilling to take on the risks associated with smuggling myself, so this option depends on my ability to find someone already engaged in cross border smuggling.

In either scenario, I will have a stock of duty-free alcohol which I am not permitted to sell. When a bottle runs out, I will save it and replace it with a second legitimately purchased bottle. Then, I will bring the first bottle home and refill it myself with the cheaper alcohol. Once this has been done I will replace the bottle behind the bar and remove the second bottle to bring home and refill, leaving a third, sealed, bottle behind the bar. In the case of a surprise audit from the Ministry of Public Security, they will have no evidence of tampering because they can only legally search the establishment, which only contains properly marked bottles. Since the duty stamps are numbered in sequential order, I will discard the earlier bottles after an appropriate period of time to indicate that customers are steadily making purchases. In order to keep “accurate” financial books, I will update them at the end of the day to reflect the expected amount of purchases of the legitimately bought alcohol based on the volume that I buy per month. I will then keep all excess cash to be cleaned later.

While enjoying a refreshing Martini, you notice an attractive young woman eyeing you from the end of the bar. As you walk
up to her, you see a posted sign marked, “reserved seating”. After easily striking up a conversation with her, she reveals that she and her friends come to Arts n’ Darts most nights to enjoy the cultured atmosphere. When asked what she does, she gives you her phone number and tells you to go ahead and call her for a good time. On the phone the woman reveals that she is a prostitute and is willing to go home with you, if the price is right.

How can this possibly be legitimate? Although prostitution is legal in Canada, the Criminal Code is structured to prevent almost every form of solicitation. Despite the criminalization of all public communication initiating a sex for money transaction, these negotiations are perfectly legal in a private conversation. A 1996 Supreme Court decision upheld that telephone calls of any kind are considered private, thus allowing for the discussion of prostitution. Nothing illegal is taking place when an individual gives their phone number to another, assuming no illicit acts are explicitly expressed during this conversation. As for her seating; any client of the bar has the right to right to reserve an area of the bar. Though, unlike my other clients, the sex-
workers pay me a cash fee at the end of each week.

If the prostitution does not appeal to you, then perhaps you will find more excitement in the gaming area? Unfortunately we are unable to offer video lottery terminals. After the establishment of the Société des loteries vidéo du Québec in 1993, there
has been a strong crackdown on privately run gambling machines. Now every machine needs to be registered and connected to the Société des loteries du Québec computer network. Although video lottery machines would be a very profitable addition, the fine for operating without a license can be as high as $75,000. It would also be difficult to stay hidden from scrutiny when more visitors start arriving because of the availability of gambling. I wouldn’t even be able to install legal machines to earn commissions, because the Régie des alcools, des courses et des jeux has not issued any new operating licenses for the
past 6 years.

For the final vice of the night, you head over to the corner booth to visit the resident hashish dealer. Even though I am not directly involved in his business, I know that he is inconspicuous enough to avoid detection, even in the policeman’s presence. In the event that he is caught, I need to minimize the risk of him pointing the finger at me. As an incentive to stay quiet, I have set aside a sum of money to contribute to his fine for trafficking Schedule VII substances. If he blames me, he will pay the full fine, but if he keeps silent, I will pay half. Given the high demand for drugs, I believe it is in my best interests to take advantage of any opportunities to profit from this lucrative business, despite the risks I may incur. Like the prostitutes, he pays me cash weekly for keeping his seat reserved.

With all of the cash flows coming in from illegal activities, I legitimize all of the profits through the sale of my art at the bar. Most of the “modernist” paintings on the walls have been gifted to the bar by me, and are for sale with prices in the hundreds. Even though I am not a professional artist, no one can prevent me from charging high prices, especially if customers are willing to pay them. Who is to say that one of my paintings is not worth $400 to the purchaser? In order to clean the dirty money, the record books will show that an anonymous client paid cash for a painting, when in reality the piece is removed from the establishment and destroyed. This apparent creation and sale of artwork provides a perfectly legal source of income. When it is time to face Revenue Canada and Revenue Quebec, there will be nothing to hide. Because I am providing the art to the bar as a gift, this transaction is not taxed. When the bar goes ahead and sells the painting, the profits will be taxed under the corporate income rate of 11.4%, which is better than if had I sold the paintings myself and paid the personal tax rate of 24%. According to the bar’s financial statements, the bar is not earning any more money than provided for by the expenditures and subsequent sales of alcohol. All of the illicit funds have been appended to the income of the bar as legitimate gains through art sales. Although I end up losing some profits by paying taxes, I can now spend the criminal money as if it had been legitimately earned. As a result, in the eyes of the government, Arts n’ Darts is able to uphold its image as a respectable business, despite the blatantly unlawful practices which account for a significant share of the profits.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

If I Were a Super Hero...

Fans,

Before we can begin, I have an important announcement to make. After many hours of soul searching, I have finally discovered my true calling. From now on you can refer to me as Yan Kisen, Freelance Writer Extraordinaire. (that's extraordinary for non-Francophones)

That's right folks, you read it here first. I'm going to give YOU, the readers, the chance to have your fantasies become written-out realities. All you have to do is remain on this page, submit a topic that interests you and the Yanvestigators will dispatch their top researcher (me) to get the straight facts. The nitty gritty. I'm willing to get my hands dirty if it increases my page rank. Nothing is off limits!

Supplies are limited, so call now 1-900-STR-8FAX. (I worked with what they gave me)

And now, without further adieu...

I proudly bring you….

Mon chef d'oeuvre…

::::::The Feature Presentation::::::

Friday marks a tremendous event as Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight premiers in theaters nationwide. The buzz for this movie began over a year ago, and now with the opening mere days away, you can feel the electricity in the air. For some, the anticipation has been too much to handle. Crisis has broken out at an AMC Movie Theater in Nashua, New Hampshire as an unidentified man has locked himself in the projector's booth. Through a door thick enough to prevent a terrorist attack, the fan's muffled voice made requests. His demands are simple, "I didn't wait a year for this premier to eat concessions, okay? I AM going to I bring my own snacks." Police have entered their second day of negotiations with the crazed Batman enthusiast.

Even if I may not seem as fanatic as that man, I too have been swept by the spirit of Batmania. That is why I have chosen tonight to unveil my newest endeavor. I shall be joining Bruce Wayne in the dangerous game of super heroism. During the days people will know me as Yan Kisen, Freelance Writer Extraordinaire. But at night, I'm going to dawn my Midnight-Purple guise to roam the streets kicking the shit out of wrongdoers. Although I somewhat question the wisdom of revealing my alter-ego on a public forum, I have an obligation to fulfill for my audience. I’m prepared to deal with the consequences that arise if any super villains happen upon this page, because the world now knows the true identity of... Sarcasmo.

What makes me super? Well besides the obvious, I'm armed with a weak grasp of sarcasm.(subtlety!) When in need, there's nothing a person appreciates more than a classic case of smart-assery. Uncommon because of its rarity, when properly administered, sarcasm can act as a panacea to any situation!

Allow me to demonstrate…

Young Man: "Somebody help! This man is insisting that I join his church!"

Sarcasmo: "Don't worry young man, I'm here to set things straight."

Preacher: "Sir have you found the path to the higher grounds?"

Sarcasmo: "I must have. All of a sudden I feel the urge to jump off of a cliff."

Preacher: "We who share the faith, don't condone suicide. Perhaps you shall join us on Wednesday. We meet at the recreation center at 7 in the evening."

Sarcasmo: "That sounds much better than the strip club."

Preacher: "You know you don't have to be such an asshole. Just take a pamphlet."

Sarcasmo: "I’m pretty sure I do."

Young Man: "Gee thanks Sarcasmo, that was a close one!"

Sarcasmo: "Then why did I see it coming from a mile away?"

**All three characters erupt in hysterics**

I'm going to play myself in the film adaptation. It would be the only way to do justice to Sarcasmo's enigmatic persona.

Besides extraordinary powers, it is essential for every superhero to have a kick-ass superpad to drink beer and unwind after a long day of crime fighting. Although I am not yet a billionaire, I am getting pretty close. So, despite whatever frills the BatCave may boast, the SarChasm is going to have them all and even a couple neat tricks of its own.

For instance, the south-west catacombs are going to house the Archives; a super secret assembly of Sarcasmo's greatest one-liners. Ranging from the subtle, "I’m an expert in matters like these," to the in-your-face, "don't worry ma’am, of course I’ve delivered a baby before," this vast collection could bring about world destruction...if it were to fall into the wrong hands.

And so Sarcasmo roams the night, trying to clean the same streets that raised him. Nobody said crime fighting would be easy, but he never expected it to be this time consuming. (come on you crooks, enough is enough already)

Oh and by the way...

You’re welcome.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Buyer Beware: You Are What You Wear




Illegal vendors, bootleggers, scamsters... whatever you decide to call them, they are an ever-increasing sight in our cities. Whether its on the sidewalk, in a dark ally or insomebody's basement; these hard working men and women provide a much needed service for all of us who think, "I want to look good... I just don’t want to pay a lot."

Unfortunately not everybody is willing to embrace this practice. Some, principally those losing money, tend to frown when they stumble upon a street corner to discover their entire fall collection displayed on an unraveled blanket. Now there are always going to be people stepping in to say "hey...", some will even say "hi", but the fact of the matter is that these bootleggers are merely trying to get a sliver of the delicious profit pie. And the harassment doesn’t stop with the million-dollar corporations, governments have something to say as well.

This morning Last week I was perusing the headlines, as I often do, when I came across something shocking: Court fines eBay over fake goods. Since you are reading this blog, I'm going to go ahead and assume you don't have time to bother with real news (did you know that there was a war going on?), so I’ll briefly summarize. According to France,apparently it's "unlawful" to sell near-identical goods at competitive prices, so eBay was successfully sued for 63 million dollars.

Now I understand why these companies would be upset over the sale of fraudulent merchandise, but this court case went much further as they claimed, "auctions involving their legitimate perfumes were illegal, because only specialist dealers were permitted to sell them." Now correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this mean Tristan Dior retains ownership of the perfume after it has been legally purchased? Next thing you know, they are going to deploy their Sniffing Squad to punish you for over-application which gives non-payers too much free bliss from their heaven-scent fragrance. (zing)


But I digress…



Here we were having a great time re-enacting our favorite scenes of Top Gun with our GrayBan aviators when the Party Pooper Principality had to once again step in and oppress our freedom! Didn't they get the memo about the Freedom Fries? The only thing that Americans cherish more than conquest in the name of liberation is exercising our right to a great bargain! And if France is going to play hardball, we may as well outlaw flamboyant tennis shirts. We’ll see who’s snickering when we’re back to the dark ages of fashion. (I use "we" assuming I will have some part in this decision)

How do you think I afford to dress so well? You can’t possibly believe that I wear name brand clothing, that’s preposterous! I always choose Near-Name-Brand Brand ® ©, and I wear it with pride. I think that if someone goes to the effort to manufacture replica Doucci Bags and StreetLies Jeans (I am not getting sued for this), they deserve to sell them on the open market.

Or maybe the fakes are manufactured in Southeast Asia like the originals.(I don’t know. Do you really expect me to research this?) In this case your purchase will be supporting workers who earn the same low wages, if not lower, as the employees of the overpriced originals. It just doesn’t make any scents! (he does it again)

If you buy a lot of designer clothing in the first place, chances are you are overly concerned with the way you present yourself to others. (next week I’ll continue my series of psychological analyses with a profile of a mystery celebrity). Whatever "look" you choose to… accomplish? It requires careful selection of only the trendiest duds. We were all inspired when Paris Hilton proved once and for all that keeping up appearances CAN be a full time job! But staying up to date with fads can take a toll on both your bank account and your will to live.

I’ll concede that the craftsmanship of the knockoffs is certainly cheaper. However, since the definition of cool changes as quickly as it steps off of the catwalk, in a matter of days you wouldn ’t be caught dead wearing any resemblance neither fake nor real. By the time the inauthentic garment starts to unravel and come apart, it will have already been thrown in the Goodwill donation bin to provide impoverished families the opportunity to look cool in the off-chance the trend makes a future come back. (Value Village: Rated Best Selection of Neon Spandex since 1993)

Although I’ve given you more than enough already, I will end by bestowing upon you, my loyal readers, one final piece of advice on this issue which burns deep within my soul. (why else would I write an essay during summer break?) I understand that at first you may hesitate to embrace the new counterfeit culture which will undoubtedly arise as a result of this article. Since fashion is about color and design rather than labels and washing instructions it shouldn’t matter that you are wearing a fake. People who see the value of clothing over its expression have taken trivial materialism to a new level. If you are worried that you will be judged for choosing to save money, you should take a moment to reevaluate the choices and the friendships you’ve made which have marooned you in a sea of vapid voices.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Something to nibble on

Dearest Fans,

Since you obviously hunger for more writing; I've decided to upload a Yan Kisen archive just for you! Without further adieu, I now present you with my first masterpiece published by the McGill Daily...

Porno glam: Darryl Gold gets it on at the SAT

On Saturday night, I was sent to Darryl’s Hard Liquor and Porn Film Fest at the SAT in an attempt to sex up The Daily. Inside of the dimly lit exhibition hall were all the ingredients of a deliciously naughty party. Euro-electro was blasting, the booze was flowing, and folks were dressed to impress. The suggested attire was “porn star casual,” so the predominant male get-up was genuine leather pants accented with a cowboy hat, while the women posed as dominatrices and schoolgirls, or simply wore lingerie. Unfortunately, only about 30 people made the effort to dress up (or down), while the other 300 guests had left their latex hanging in the closet. Gauging the audience’s enthusiasm by the rowdiness of their applause, Darryl personally awarded the two best dressed attendees a gift bag full of assorted lubes, condoms and, to top it all off, a bong.

This cinema festival consisted of 20 titillating shorts all parodying pornography and celebrating the joy of sex. They were all pretty damn funny, and a few were a little disturbing. The filmmakers are adult entertainment enthusiasts from around the world. Furthermore, some of the pieces used animation and two were filmed with cutting edge 3D picture technology.

One piece, called Sex Toy Stories delivered exactly what the title promised. It was a compilation of hilarious confessions of the pleasures and mishaps associated with dildos, sex swings, and for one unlucky guy… his cell phone.

Vibrato Saves the Space Queens was the only video submitted by Montreal artists. Using his powers of gyration, Vibrato tries to save the damsels from an eternal game of ultra-sexy space Twister hosted by a crazed megalomaniac hell-bent on seeing some, ahem, girl on girl action. The short was an amusing creation which more or less embodied the spirit of the event.

The party also featured the new 69 Hour Film Challenge, in which teams were given a list of elements that needed to be included in their production. These included a beach ball, something that vibrates, somebody tied up, and toast.

During the intermission, I got a chance to have a chat with the legend himself, Darryl Gold. He took me back seven years to his apartment in Toronto where the event first started. Being a long-time pornography fan, Darryl had invited his friends over for a porn star party. Guests were encouraged to bring their favourite porn classics (mine include My Baby Got Back and Different Strokes – despite the fact that Gary Coleman does not make a cameo). When one friend decided to bring his homemade video, the film fest was born!

I have always been enticed by the allure of sexy parties. There's just something special about a social gathering where you know that nobody will judge your clown fetish. For those of you expecting a hardcore strip show, I suggest one of the many adult clubs on St. Catherine, because Darryl’s Hard Liquor and Porn Film Fest did not altogether deliver on its sultry title. For others who can keep it in their pants, this show provides an amusing night fusing humour and sex. Hopefully, as this event gains momentum, people will show more enthusiasm – and possibly a little more skin.

Friday, February 8, 2008

A man at last

As I frolicked in the playground, I would have never imagined that I would ever turn 20 years old. I always thought that my X-treme lifestyle would catch up with me at age 17 during some sort of mishap involving bikini babes, fireworks, and hang-gliding.

But I managed to defy all of my expectations by waking up this morning. Although nothing has actually changed (I'm as beardless as I have always been), I feel reinvigorated as if a newfound energy is coursing through my veins, and for once it isn't Monster (my eau de vie).

Thankfully my teen years are finally over, so I have no excuse for my angst. No more excuses, no more scapegoats. Today is the day Yan takes control of his life and becomes somebody. Today is the day that I grab life by the horns and hang on for the ride!

That being said, I'm pretty hungry and I think that there's something good on tv. I don't really have time for this anyways, I'm much too busy living large and in charge.

But please check back periodically*, becuase my paradise might crumble anyday and I know you people feed off of the tragedy of others.

à le prochain mes amis,
Yan



*this could be any period of time from days to weeks. Don't get your hopes up. Read a book in the meantime.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

WiMAX... its wireless internet TO THE MAX

Alright people I'm going to break it down one last time for you, so pay attention!

I'm going to be discussing the Worldwide Interoperability for Microwave Access, or WiMAX, an emerging technology aimed at improving the range and connectivity of wireless internet1.




WiMax offers the possibility of providing broadband internet to remote locations using efficient frequencies that can transmit high-speed broadband over long distances. Rather than needing to be hardwired to a cable provider, a WiMAX user can connect to the internet anywhere there is a signal.

Honestly, after reading a lot of informational sites, I still do not understand why WiMAX’s superiority lies in its broadcasting frequencies. But I think that this is a minor detail in the technology, because an overly technical definition is irrelevant to me, the writer, and I’m going to assume to you, the reader. All technical mumbo-jumbo aside, internet service providers utilize WiMAX by positioning radio towers in strategic locations. With these towers, they broadcast an internet network that can have a range of up to 50 kilometers 1.

WiMAX uses licensed frequencies which essentially give the ISP monopoly over a certain band in order to provide better quality and less interference than your standard wireless networks. This should not be confused with Wi-Fi which is an unlicensed network which ranges only about 50 meters and is intended to provide a private network1. The two technologies can be used in conjunction with one another, but it should be noted that one cannot connect to the internet using Wi-Fi unless there is an existing internet connection to the transmitter2.

The WiMAX Forum has been actively working to create a standard for WiMAX in order to benefit the costumers and the industry. By creating an industry standard, an economy of scale can be created which will drive down costs. Also, this will ensure interoperability between components manufactured by different companies. Unlike the cellphone industry, proponents of WiMAX standardization are hoping to reduce proprietary hardware requirements 2.

Why use WiMAX rather than your existing ISP? Well if you are reading this post, then you most likely do not need WiMAX. However, it may be hard to imagine, but not all of the world is hardwired for broadband internet access. Not even the entire earth has telephone lines which could allow for a 56k phone line connection. Using the power of WiMAX, the internet can be provided to the farthest corners of the planet, a feat previously unimagined.

For instance, say that you want to expand your operations by creating a factory in Bangladesh for the cheap labor (all ethics aside). Since this is still a developing nation, it is safe to assume that most of the country is not able to support high-speed internet access. However, with WiMAX you can provide broadband internet to your facility in order to better communicate with your workers. Now you will be able to upload new designs or plans, to keep up with the fast pace of international business and stay competitive 3.

The advantages of WiMAX are clear, it allows for the distribution of broadband internet to places that are unable or unready to support the infrastructure required. By constructing a single broadcasting tower, hundreds of clients can be serviced. Another advantage already mentioned is the speed of the internet provided. In a lot of places it is possible to connect via a phone line, but it is almost impossible to optimize the Web 2.0 experience with a snail paced internet connection.


However, there are also several disadvantages associated with WiMAX. Since these towers are not exactly cheap to construct there will be a limited quantity scattered around. But as the amount of users rises, the bandwidth remains constant until you are experiencing less than ideal network speeds. It would be quite a shame to invest in a pricey WiMAX project only to get bandwidth equivalent to a phone line connection. Finally, WiMAX service can be seriously disrupted by the weather which is a big risk with the intra-industry dependence on information technology 4.



SOURCES
1 "What is WiMAX?" WiMAX Spectrum Owners Alliance. 2007. 2 Oct. 2007 http://www.wisoa.net/site/what-is-wimax/

2 "Frequently Asked Questions." WiMAX Forum. 2007. 3 Oct. 2007 http://www.wimaxforum.org/technology/faq/.

3"WiMAX Broadband Wireless Technology." Intel Corporation. 2007. 3 Oct. 2007 http://www.intel.com/netcomms/technologies/wimax/index.htm.

4 "Disadvantages of WiMAX." Home-WLAN. 2007. 02 Oct. 2007 http://www.home-wlan.com/disadvantages-of-wimax.html